But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
