I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
