Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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