the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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