Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I want to walk on stilts...naked
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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