The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
