I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
