sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just pee around me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
