i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
