Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
