My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
