I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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