Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
