dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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