my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
