She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
