Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
