At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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