She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
