You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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