You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im six kinds of drunk right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
