I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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