I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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