I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
