So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
