As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
