I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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