I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pants are for mortals
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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