I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
