kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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