Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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