too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
