I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
