Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
