My balls are so social today.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
