HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
