i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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