Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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