yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
