Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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