Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
