Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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