If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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