Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
