I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
