I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
