we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
