I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh god it's open bar.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
