:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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