i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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