So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
