I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
